Wit Beyond Measure
by GreenMaureen
Summary: Elphaba and Galinda mistakenly arrive at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Chaos ensues when they meet up with Harry, Ron and Hermione in their seventh year, post-Voldemort and take on the school's antagonists...
1. A Simple Conjuring Spell

One night in Shiz, two young women were reading in their dormitory. One was analyzing a mysterious, dusty tome and muttering strange phrases. The other was sprawled on her bed, listlessly flipping through a foreign novel with a boy and a broom on the cover.

"_Eleka nahmen nahmen ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen. Eleka nahmen ah tum ah tum_-"

"Keep it down, Elphie! I'm trying to read!" complained Galinda, tossing her platinum curls.

Elphaba glared at her from her perch on the window seat. "This spell has to be vocalized to function."

"All the more reason _not_ to, then. What are you trying to do- make the dormitory explode in a puff of smoke?"

"Don't be so dramatic. It's a simple conjuring spell. Theoretically, It can create whatever the conjuror visualizes, which can be as simple as a pincushion, or as complex as an entirely different plane of existence-"

"Fascinating, Elphie, but I'm trying to finish my book. If you're going to keep blabbering, I'll have to read out loud to block you out."

"Fine," Elphaba said distractedly. "I'll do my best to ignore you as well. _Eleka nahmen nahmen_..."

Both girls began reading progressively louder as they tried to stay focused on their respective books and block the other out. Soon they were nearly shouting. Galinda, through her focus on the novel and her annoyance at her roommate, began to worry that Ama Clutch might burst into the room and admonish them to put the books away and go to sleep. She was about to call a truce when she suddenly got very dizzy. She stopped reading and closed her eyes.

"Elphie, what are you doing? This isn't very funny!" She got no response except for a strange, gyroscopic sensation. She felt as if she was caught in a tornado. She wanted to open her eyes and call for Elphaba again, but did neither for fear that she would be sick. She could do nothing but hug the book to her chest and wait for it to be over.

After what seemed like a very _very_ long time, Galinda realized she had stopped spinning. She could feel a smooth, clammy surface under her that definitely wasn't her bed. Thinking she had fainted and fallen on the floor, she opened her eyes.

What she saw was _not_ her dorm room at Crage Hall, nor was it the infirmary. She saw the stone ceiling of a huge room—higher than the ceiling of the Chapel back in Frottica, higher than the ceiling of any building she knew of at Shiz, even. She slowly sat up and looked around. It was a wide hallway, lit by flickering torches. At one end was a set of formidable oaken double doors; at the other was an iron portcullis; and near where she sat at the centerpoint was a smaller interior door. She felt a strange sense of deja vu, but pushed it away. She couldn't afford to be distracted now—not with Elphaba lying on the floor next to her—unconscious or dead; hopefully the former rather than the latter.

She poked Elphaba in the stomach. "Elphie." Poke. "Elphie." Poke. "Elphie." Poke. "Wake up wake up wakeup. I think you sent us into my book—OUCHIE!"

That last part was because Elphaba suddenly awoke and reflexively slapped Galinda in the face.

"Sorry," she muttered as she came to.

By this time, Galinda was standing and dancing on her tiptoes with excitement. "Elphie, your spell worked!"

"No it didn't," said Elphaba, rubbing her eyes. "I was trying to conjure a new fountain pen since I broke my last one and..." Her words were cut off by a massive yawn. "I don't know I'm so tired... that spell must have drained all my energy, which is surprising because the amount of energy consumed is proportional to the complexity of the object being conjured. A pen isn't complex in the least, and I didn't even manage to conjure one-"

"Oz to Elphie. Have a look around. Your spell did _something_ alright. We. Are. Not. In. Oz. You sent us to Hogwarts!"

"What?"

"Here, read this. I think you conjured us into this book. Read it read it read it. Maybe then you'll know what you did."

Elphaba accepted the paperback and began to skim through it, furrowing her brow as she reached a description of the room they were in. All the while, Galinda was delivering an enthusiastic and slightly incoherent explanation of the world she thought they were in, which Elphaba listened to with half an ear. "And Gryffindor is the house of bravery, and Hufflepuff is the house of loyalty, and Raven's—um, Raven's Tooth—is the house of wisdom, and Slytherin is the house of adorable bad boys-"

Elphaba slammed the book shut and held up a hand to silence Galinda. "Someone's coming."

Sure enough, Galinda could hear odd, uneven footsteps. Elphaba, thinking quickly, shoved the book down the front of her dress, which was sufficiently loose that it didn't show. Much. Despite the uncertainty of their situation, Galinda had to giggle at the awkward shape it created.

She stopped giggling when she saw the owner of the footsteps. He banged open the interior door and leered at Elphaba, who was still on the floor. "What happened to you, greenie?"

Elphaba glared up at him. "I could ask the same of you," she snapped, focusing on his lazy eye.

"Elphie, be polite!" admonished Galinda. "Mr Filch, this is Elphaba Thropp of Munchkinland. And I'm Galinda Arduenna of the Upper Uplands in Gillikin."

Filch gave a noncomittal grunt. "The new students. Not what I'd thought you'd look like. A green girlie and a pixiehead. This school's gone to the werewolves, I say, if they're letting scum like you in." Elphaba looked poised to interrupt, but he silenced her with a wave. "Come on, follow me. You need to go to Dumbledore and get Sorted. The sooner you're out of my sight, the better."

Elphaba muttered something about it not being to difficult to stay out of his sight with that lazy eye, but he didn't hear it. Resigned, she picked herself up and followed Galinda and this strange, nasty man down a narrow corridor.


	2. Sorting Things Out

**I wrote this chapter while listening to the _Spring Awakening_ soundtrack. I like to think it inspired me, but if it actually did, that would be a bit odd, considering that this is supposedly a humorous crossover and _Awakening_'s disturbingly tragic. So if this seems weirdly morbid, blame it on Duncan Sheik. **

Galinda and Elphaba followed Filch up a flight of stairs to an ornately carved door adorned with a creepy-looking gargoyle.

"I thought we left Madam Morrible in Shiz," muttered Elphaba. Galinda shushed her.

Filch stared into the gargoyle's hollow eyes. "Dumbledore," he proclaimed. The door opened to reveal a circular office containing many strange magical instruments and a fiery bird in a cage. A woman that looked a bit like a middle-aged, non-green Elphaba was hunched over a desk, scribbling on parchment.

Elphaba cleared her throat loudly. Galinda stomped on her toe, which was fortunately encased in a steel-toed shoe that probably hurt the stomp-er more than the stomp-ee.

Filch addressed the woman. "Professor Dumbledore."

The woman fixed him with a stern, bespectacled stare. "Argus, I have asked you numerous times to stop calling me that. My name is Minerva McGonagall; Professor McGonagall to you. Dumbledore has been dead for three years."

"No. NO. It can't be true!" Filch wailed and scurried out of the room, slamming the door with a hollow thud.

"Dumbledore DIED?" said Elphaba, who hadn't even finished the first book.

"I'm afraid so," said Professor McGonagall. "As you two have enrolled here, I'd expect you to know that. It was a fairly traumatic event for the Wizarding world."

"_I_ knew that," said Galinda. "Professor McGonagall, I don't believe we've met, I'm Galinda Arduenna-"

"Of the Upper Uplands of Gillikin, Oz, I've heard," finished McGonagall. "Yes, that would make the other one Elphaba Thropp?"

Elphaba gave a short, jerky nod.

"Splendid. Miss Thropp, we can sort you first. If you would kindly reach the Sorting Hat on that shelf behind you—there. Go ahead and put it on, now."

She obediently lowered the dusty, oversized hat onto her head. It took only seconds before shouting, "GRYFFINDOR!"

Galinda clapped in mock applause and accepted the hat from Elphaba. She daintily placed it on her perfect-even-after-traveling-to-another-reality platinum ringlets and closed her eyes like a child wishing on a birthday candle. There was a long, awkward pause.

"It's certainly taking its time," muttered Elphaba. This time, McGonagall shushed her.

"RAVENCLAW!" announced the hat.

"Yay!" said Galinda.

"_Really_?" muttered Elphaba inaudibly.

"All right, congratulations," said McGonagall. "Miss Arduenna, you may replace the Sorting Hat on the shelf. Now, it's past lights out. You two may proceed to your dormitories—I assume you know where they are?-where you will find your class schedules, your robes, and various other supplies which may have been difficult to come by in Oz. I suggest you go right to sleep after lights-out, as you'll want to get an early start tomorrow."

"What's the Gryffindor password?" inquired Elphaba, proud to display her knowledge of Hogwarts. Galinda made a show of turning her back and blocking her ears.

"Nymphadora," replied McGonagall. Elphaba silently mouthed the strange word.

"Good night, girls," said McGonagall."

"Good night," replied Galinda.

"_Nymphadora_," muttered Elphaba.

Elphaba and Galinda left the office.

"I've got no idea where Gryffindor Tower is," confessed Elphaba.

"Why didn't you ask?"

"I didn't want to look ignorant."

"I'll walk you there," said Galinda.

They trudged in silence until they got to the portrait. Elphaba turned to Galinda.

"How did you manage that?"

"Manage what?"

"Getting into Ravenclaw."

"Hmm... I'm really not sure."

"My plan was to mentally argue with the hat until I'd persuaded it, but I didn't even get the chance."

"Maybe some people just weren't meant to be in Ravenclaw, then. After all, wit beyond measure is man's greatest pleasure!"

Elphaba ground her teeth at Galinda's meaningless misquotation.

"Cheer up, Elphie, maybe you'll meet Harry and Ron and Hermione. Ooh, and Neville! He always reminded me of darling Boq."

"Galinda, there's no guarantee that they'll be here right now. After all, who knows what time plane I conjured us into? That McGonagall woman—if she took over for Dumbledore, this must be awhile after they all graduated... right?"

"Um, Elphie... There's seven books; he died in the sixth."

"No spoilers!" snapped Elphaba.

"Well, anyway, if he's dead but McGonagall doesn't look too old, and Snape's not in charge, it can't be too long after the last book..."

Elphaba stared at her. "I have no idea what you're talking about right now."

"Look, just don't let anyone see the book, okay? But you should probably read some more of it."

"Do you think I'm an imbecile?" snapped Elphaba. "Just because you're the Ravenclaw doesn't mean you're any more intelligent then you were back in Shiz. _Nymphadora_."

And with that, she stepped through the portal, rudely ignoring the Fat Lady.

"Sorry, she's in a snit," apologized Galinda.

The Fat Lady rolled her eyes. "Well, I just wanted someone to appreciate my Cheno note for once. Is that too much to ask?"

Galinda shrugged. "I'd be happy to hold a contest, but I'm not even supposed to be here right now. 'Night."

"'Night. Come back and later, hear?"

Galinda delicately power-walked down the corridor and up the stair to Ravenclaw Tower. She tapped on the bronze eagle. "Yoo-hoo."

"Several sides you may have seen: witch, director, drama queen. Now I set you to your task: Who's the face behind the mask?"

Galinda scratched her head. "Huh?"

A voice behind her said, "Ooh, this one's easy."

Galinda spun around to see a strange-looking, moonlight-blonde girl. "Really? It didn't sound like a riddle at all."

"It's not really. After lights-out, it asks some strange questions... I think the riddler is sleep-talking."

"Oh."

"Anyway, the answer is Idina Menzel."

"I don't even know what that is, but thanks."

"Oh, it's no trouble. I always end up out here at night—I sleepwalk, you see. You must be one of the new transfer students from Oz?"

"Yes, I'm Galinda Arduenna of the Upper Uplands, Gillikin."

"I'm Luna, Luna Lovegood."

The two Ravenclaws tiptoed through the empty common room and into the dark dormitory, where Galinda promptly fell asleep.

**A/N: The book is a compendium of all the Harry Potter books, not just the first one.**

**Also, green eggs and ham for anyone who figured out the riddle before Luna did. Double green eggs and ham for anyone who reviews!**


End file.
